09.03.08 Five Worst NBA Team Names

As I’m sure most of you have heard the former Seattle Supersonics formally became the Oklahoma City Thunder today. With stepping in line with an utterly horrible name, I thought I would pick the five team names that I think are the absolute worst. Now, I don’t think I could leave the Thunder off the list, but they’ve yet to actually play a game under that name. I figure it’s best that I keep the list to teams that have actually played games in the NBA. So, without further explanation, here’s my list for the five worst NBA team names.

5. Miami Heat

The Miami Heat, of and in itself, isn’t really that bad of a name. What I dislike about it so much is the team’s news coverage headlines. “Miami’s heating up on Chicago” “The Pistons are feeling the heat” I’m sorry, but that goes beyond cheesy. The Miami Heat has been a really successful expansion team. Ever since the team was founded in 1987, they’ve been a decent staple in the fabric of the NBA. If only us basketball writers were a little more creative.

4. Los Angeles Clippers

This may be an odd selection. The Los Angeles Clippers certainly isn’t that ridiculous of a name. In fact, I would say it’s rather mundane. I think what I find so lackluster about the Clippers name is that the name synonymous with being a loser. The former Clipper Elton Brand may have articulated this the best three years ago when he said that he looked at the Clippers playoff history and it was only half a page long. The Clippers have been in the NBA for thirty eight years ever since they were the Buffalo Braves. If the name is synonymous with sucking, eventually that means the name sucks too.

3. Orlando Magic

I don’t want to sound sexist, but the Orlando Magic sounds like a WNBA team name. It seems like all of the WNBA team names are chosen to be marketable, but also non-threatening. Does a team named the “Magic” sound like a team that’s going to dominate anybody? I know I would fear a team that couldn’t muster some name of viciousness or basketball prowess, but rather that of fantasy. The Magic can just be thankful that they’ve been able to draft the two most physically imposing centers of the last 15 years. Maybe they can come to a time when they stop ripping off the greatest Laker off all time.

2. Charlotte Bobcats

Out of all the animals used as a mascot for a team, the Bobcats? Seriously? With the Thunder today and this team a few years ago, I’m really afraid of what we’ll see when Stern tries his European expansion in ten years. Did the new Charlotte organization have to go with a name that sounds like a junior high school somewhere in Appalachia? This is not good people!

1. Denver Nuggets

I know this is the number one selection, but do I really need to explain this? I know what “Nuggets” is supposed to reference, but I think we all can agree it brings a different image to mind than originally intended.

With exception of the Miami Heat, do any of these teams seem like a team that would compete for NBA championships? Mark it down; the Denver Nuggets will never win an NBA championship. God will simply not allow it. They’re just around to round out the league.

I’ll see you all Friday. Until then…

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