09.03.08 Five Worst NBA Team Names

As I’m sure most of you have heard the former Seattle Supersonics formally became the Oklahoma City Thunder today. With stepping in line with an utterly horrible name, I thought I would pick the five team names that I think are the absolute worst. Now, I don’t think I could leave the Thunder off the list, but they’ve yet to actually play a game under that name. I figure it’s best that I keep the list to teams that have actually played games in the NBA. So, without further explanation, here’s my list for the five worst NBA team names.

5. Miami Heat

The Miami Heat, of and in itself, isn’t really that bad of a name. What I dislike about it so much is the team’s news coverage headlines. “Miami’s heating up on Chicago” “The Pistons are feeling the heat” I’m sorry, but that goes beyond cheesy. The Miami Heat has been a really successful expansion team. Ever since the team was founded in 1987, they’ve been a decent staple in the fabric of the NBA. If only us basketball writers were a little more creative.

4. Los Angeles Clippers

This may be an odd selection. The Los Angeles Clippers certainly isn’t that ridiculous of a name. In fact, I would say it’s rather mundane. I think what I find so lackluster about the Clippers name is that the name synonymous with being a loser. The former Clipper Elton Brand may have articulated this the best three years ago when he said that he looked at the Clippers playoff history and it was only half a page long. The Clippers have been in the NBA for thirty eight years ever since they were the Buffalo Braves. If the name is synonymous with sucking, eventually that means the name sucks too.

3. Orlando Magic

I don’t want to sound sexist, but the Orlando Magic sounds like a WNBA team name. It seems like all of the WNBA team names are chosen to be marketable, but also non-threatening. Does a team named the “Magic” sound like a team that’s going to dominate anybody? I know I would fear a team that couldn’t muster some name of viciousness or basketball prowess, but rather that of fantasy. The Magic can just be thankful that they’ve been able to draft the two most physically imposing centers of the last 15 years. Maybe they can come to a time when they stop ripping off the greatest Laker off all time.

2. Charlotte Bobcats

Out of all the animals used as a mascot for a team, the Bobcats? Seriously? With the Thunder today and this team a few years ago, I’m really afraid of what we’ll see when Stern tries his European expansion in ten years. Did the new Charlotte organization have to go with a name that sounds like a junior high school somewhere in Appalachia? This is not good people!

1. Denver Nuggets

I know this is the number one selection, but do I really need to explain this? I know what “Nuggets” is supposed to reference, but I think we all can agree it brings a different image to mind than originally intended.

With exception of the Miami Heat, do any of these teams seem like a team that would compete for NBA championships? Mark it down; the Denver Nuggets will never win an NBA championship. God will simply not allow it. They’re just around to round out the league.

I’ll see you all Friday. Until then…

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08.27.08 Top 5 Most Annoying Players

Considering I spent the last week listing NBA nicknames, without having the stones to rank them, I figured I would throw out a Top 5 list today. I sat at my computer trying to think of some list different than “Top 5 Players of whatever” I decided maybe I should go negative. It’s working for John McCain, why not me? I couldn’t go with “Top 5 Worst Players in the NBA” because if we get to watch them, they’re not the worst players in the NBA. So, I decided I would pick the five players that I find the most annoying to watch. The guys that when they walk on the court you want to throw anything you can grab at the TV.

5. Allen Iverson, Denver Nuggets

Allen Iverson may be the best little man to ever play the game, but every time I see him I think of the player that mainly was the cause of the NBA becoming the place of the punk kids that make millions and have no respect. There’s no doubt that Allen Iverson is an extremely tenacious player, but would Michael Jordan or Bill Russell ever openly complain about having to go to practice?

4. Brad Miller, Sacramento Kings

I know people say not to judge a book by its cover, but if you were to look at Brad Miller no one would ever think he was a professional basketball player. He looks more like the guy who sells you tools at Home Depot. Whenever I see him play I think “There’s the new NBA logo right there!” If Brad Miller can play basketball, maybe Kobe Bryant and LeBron James really aren’t that great of athletes, just better than people like Brad Miller.

3. Deshawn Stevenson, Washington Wizards

I’m listing Deshawn Stevenson because of him mouthing off about LeBron James. I’m listing Deshawn Stevenson because he mouthed off to anyone that wasn’t named Earl Boykins. Actually, even that would’ve been going too far. Anytime an average player calls one of the premier players in the league “overrated” that average player is an idiot. When your career average in 8.7 ppg you have no room criticizing a player who’s racked up a career average to the tune of 27.3 ppg. It’s not about LeBron James, if Deshawn had bashed Boris Diaw he would’ve been out of line. Plus, you’re trademark is a hand gesture lifted from a wrestler? Seriously?

2. Jason Terry, Dallas Mavericks

I never really cared about Jason Terry until three years ago. Back when the Mavericks went to seven game with the Spurs, whenever Jason Terry would be interviewed I’d turn the TV on mute. He talks about faith and tries to sound like the good and hard working player, but I’ve never bought it. He’s either both lying and being too over the top with it, or he’s telling the truth and he’s just an over the top person. Either way, he’s that guy you work with you don’t want to sit by in the break room. You know who I mean…

1. Sasha Vujacic, Los Angeles Lakers

How could I not rank this guy as #1? From his rat-looking face(maybe a little harsh) to his annoying chest pounding, this guy sucks. He’s a good player, no doubt. He can shoot a mean three point shot, but I always root against the Lakers because of this guy. The last guy in the NBA I want to see wearing an NBA ring is Sasha Vujacic. If he does win a ring my hopes of him going to Europe, where I’ll never have to see him again, greatly diminish. How about this for a new rule? If you average less than ten points a game, you can’t show off, ever. If you do, you get an immediate ejection. Take note David Stern!

That’s it for today. I’ll see you guys Friday!

In the mean time, head over to www.sportsviews.com